Thursday, January 20, 2011

My Heart Is Heavy

Many of you know about the circumstances surrounding the health of my oldest brother LaGear. I think I may not have told you what his condition stems from. 


He has prostate cancer and is losing the battle. To say the least, it is beyond difficult writing this post because I am flooded.


I am flooded with...I want to say grief, but that doesn't describe what my emotions are at this very moment. I can't stop crying...I type, I cry. 


I'm thinking of my brother. How much I love him. I am not wishing we could have spent more time together. 

I am thankful for the time we still share. 

Yes I am hurting, so deep my eyes flood uncontrollably. I love my brother, my oldest brother. He was telling me...whenever I talked to him...he was telling me.


My mom called earlier today to tell me the nurse from Hospice called her from my brother's house. 


When the phone rang, I was in the middle of a job. I was feeling pretty good today compared to the last couple of days. LaGear had been heavy on my mind. Because I was in an upbeat mood, when I saw that it was my mom, I was  not prepared for what she told me. The nurse said he is slipping away. 


My mom knew I was planning to come up to Cleveland at the end of the month. She basically told me I need to come up there now. It hurt so bad. I started to work again and just stopped to call Clarice. Between tears, I told her the news and that I would be leaving sooner than expected. 


I wanted to call Darcel; she was first on my mind when I thought to call home, but I couldn't do that to her. I knew I would have a hard time talking, and I didn't want her to have the sound of my quivering voice and the uncontrolled flow of tears on her mind with the kids and all...I couldn't do that to her.  


I finished up what I had left and dropped my paper work off at the shop. I talked to my supervisor before leaving and we went over my time off and he also gave me his number in case I need to call him.


Driving home didn't take long and we talked about the trip as best we could on short notice.


This will be my last post until I get back. I'm going to schedule our Memories & Magic photo blog for a couple of days, but that's it.


Right now, I would like to let all of you who follow my blog in whatever way you have chosen, how much I really appreciate you. 


To my fellow poets, thank you so much for helping me to experience, magic.


I love all of you and would like to share this poem I penned while I was waiting for a phone call earlier...as a matter of fact, it was before my mom's call by about 30 minutes....I hope you enjoy this.


The Destroyer

I will seek you out
I will find you
I will make you void

All you have done
Will be for naught
That is my goal

What do you do?
Where do you hide?
When you are idle

I work hard to destroy
All that you do
All you have done

For this is my promise
I will do all I say
For I am love

And I will destroy
All that is not


7 comments:

S.I.F. said...

I'm so sorry. :(

Brian Miller said...

dude. i am sorry. have you in our prayers and look forward to your return...and apreciate you as well. travel light.

Fay's Too said...

I so wish I had very wise and comforting words to say. Hugs.

Darcel said...

So sorry Daddy. You know you can call me any time, your my dad :)

Anonymous said...

Reg..I am so sorry to hear about your brother. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
Love You and Miss You!

Kim

Jingle said...

prayers.
stay strong.

Jingle said...

Greetings, Happy Sunday! Blessings…

Friendship Awards, Enjoy!
Thanks for the support, You Rock!
xxx

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