It's Been One Year

It's seems longer....


My blog is one year old today. I'm mixed at how to post. So much has happened...some of it unexpected, but very welcome. I feel as if I have made many friends that are distant only geographically. You are as close to me as if you were sitting here next to me....reading over my shoulder :-) I would like to believe that we have had many laughs together, felt one another's pain, rejoiced when one of us had a breakthrough!


This is fast becoming emotional for me now as I think about many of the things I had posted about. The struggles of life, of blogging, saying goodbye (love to you my brother) , a dream or two realized. 


This journey has been exhaustingly fulfilling. I found that I can really open up and be who I am comfortably. No inhibitions other than my own. Expressions of life and the lessons brought forth and learned from. 


I probably never would have gotten into blogging had it not been for my daughter Darcel, of The Mahogany Way. She suggested blogging to me for months before I decided to give it a try.


She also suggested that I read other blogs and see what I liked, find some with my interests. It all felt so strange to me as I remember it now. Having no idea how to search for blogs, what I did was click the next blog button at the top of the page. This was easy and brought many to choose from. I wasn't looking for anything in particular, but I knew when something would latch on. 


One of my first was WaystationOne. Brian Miller is the author of the blog. There was something about his blog that rested with me. I really had no idea he was so well known. He invited me to One Shot Wednesday over at One Stop Poetry, more on that later.


Another was Miss Daisy who was the dueling dutch woman. I like her blog because reading her gives me a feeling of relaxation. Even when she's angry, for me, she seems so polite...she's comforting to read. 


Now the next one you may wonder.....what?....why in the world would I follow Single Infertile Female: now what? Well, I picked her blog up from my daughter. She was showing me some of the blogs she was following and SIF's caught me. She is young and has already been through so much in Life and yet she is still strong...albeit hopefully getting the rest she needs right now...her blog to me is heartbreak, endurance, immense pain and strength. 


I get something from each of them as I do from other blogs that I read....and that includes my daughter's and son's blogs. 


I didn't want to but I'm gonna have to finish this in another post....running out of time...dang it!

FYI

I recently did two posts this past Tuesday night. 


I had taken a few pictures of the girls while they were workin on a puzzle. I had the thought of missing pieces some time afterward and thought it would make a good post, but also thought I could do it in a poem. 


So I decided to do both.


OK...here they are: Puzzles Pieces and
                             One, Missing Pieces 


Different in context, similar in theme.




                                 

Brush With Paint

I am truly blessed and honored to have won another award. I almost feel guilty for accepting awards for doing something I have fun doing and sharing.

I thank any and everyone for the nomination...my thanks to Jingle and all those at Thursday Poets Rally for making this possible. 

My nomination goes to Lolamouse for her piece: Battle Creek Cypress Swamp.


Below is the poem that won me this honor.

Brush With Paint


If I had a brush of paint

How would I paint the world?

What would the colors be?

What form would it take?

Change the sky?

No way, it is perfect

It changes on it's own.

Green trees are everywhere

I change those to--

No wait, they also change,

Themselves

The grass at times 

Is harshly brown, prickly

You know when,

...just before it changes 

To green, which is a nice

Peaceful 

Color to gaze upon

In the heat and cool

Of the day

That has begun

With an abundance

Of activity.

My goodness,

Somewhere 

The smallest of a 

Living creature

Has and is doing

An amazing feat,

Simply because of 

It's size alone.

I have yet to use my

Brush with paint

To apply my 

Changes

The world is massively

Small

Surely it could use my

Touch

Of a brush with paint,

Surely

But it changes
On it's own
Without my help,
Without my brush with paint

This is my entry to Poets Rally Week 40...let's journey on over...

One, Missing Pieces

Once in time past,

The heart did do the flutter.

It romanced the spirit of love.

That was once upon a time.

How does the heart remember,

It's swirling in love

Beating the beat in rhythmic

Harmony

The heart did dance

It's joyous dance with delight.

For it knew once before

That feeling,

When all the pieces

Were in place to fulfillment,

Yes, when all the pieces

Were in place.

What?

Who?

The reason, reasons 

Why,

The pieces no longer make an item

Where did it go?

The heart does not like

Nor accepts the fate

It finds itself.

No.

The heart wants, no

Needs love to have

That feeling of completeness,

To make it a finished item.

It may take time, 

The heart is aware.

Flutter?... it longs for,

Dance?...it wants, to no end.

*sigh*

Wishing this could happen

In a snap, the heart  

Accepts facts...for now,

It is one, missing pieces. 

 

It's One Shot Wednesday time....let's head on over...

Puzzles Pieces

When a cake is prepared for baking, different ingredients are brought together to make one item. The same goes for so many other things we use or consume...cars, homes, cookies, televisions, salads, phones, you name it.

Depending on what the item is, one missing ingredient could have an effect on the outcome or performance of such item. 

A puzzle is many pieces, when brought together, make up one item...usually a picture. You know how it is when a puzzle has a missing piece or two....it's almost complete.

Our wants or needs, works in much the same way. If there is something of great desire that has to be just right, the feeling of complete makes it a finished item.  

If the feeling of something isn't right exists, that incomplete feeling makes it an unfinished item. 

The same can be said for relationships, love, the need to be a finished item. 

It may sometimes go unnoticed as a puzzle piece, missing in a spot that could make the item appear to be complete. 

Life and love...the pieces are all there, they sometimes take a little more work to find the right pieces to make the item complete.    

Deception?

You approached me in the form of love

Your seduction paved the way

As my heart beat the beat of

Oh wow!

You proceed your seductive ways

Exploring my mind, asking all the right questions

As if on a hunt

But your beauty and glamorous ways

Made way to more

You maneuver your way to my senses

With the touch of your hand on mine

   You knew this would make me crazy

As you smile

I allow myself to relax and breath your scent

My heart racing

You find my lips

Kissing me with the tenderness of tender

It is all I imaged it would be

A kiss soft as the love that brought it

You captivate me

As I surrender 

The heat of the moment is true

And bare

You are all I ever wanted

And more

We wrap into one the other

Passionate in yet another kiss

I am lost in your expression of love

A moment suspended in this space of time

Your warmth against mine is 

More than I can bear

My heart pounds against my chest

As I explore your outward beauty

As I lay in wait for you

There is a sound that will not cease

Reaching to find the source

I realize, I have been awakened 

This is my Poetry Potluck entry where the theme is Lies, Deception, and Misrepresentation....come join us.

Then Again....

This is a post I had sitting on the shelf. I was struggling at the time and loaded this page with the images I had taken the time to choose according to my mood at that time. The date of the draft was February 13, 2011.

the way i've been feeling 

lately...like i just wanna 

say...i give up!

                                                    i don't know if i'm
                                  coming or going                                                                                                                  
                                                   

but i know i have family
and friends, some i know 
in flesh and bone, and some
i have never met....










i appreciate you being there, even in silence...i have said a time before, the journey is ours alone, but we do not travel alone...

even with friends and support,

i have to look into the 

mirror to see what is there

 anyway, i want to wish everyone 

a happy valentine's day!

All images courtesy of Google Images




I just couldn't let all my hard work go to waste...now could I?


Now linked to The Purple Treehouse on 2/4/2012

More Good News

Many of you know that TheWife and I had been separated for three years...now back together. She and my son Reg, have been looking for work. Well, TheWife has found success and is now employed. 


She had an interview two weeks ago, went in for a pee test and background check the next day, then waited. I actually had that on my mind yesterday and wondered when she might get a call. TheWife did mention that she was told they would be hiring during the month of April. To our surprise and thankfulness, she got the call Thursday. 


Today is her first day. I asked her how she felt last night and I think she's mixed, but understandably so. She's in a different line of work she was accustomed to for the past five years..give or take. Different state and city to boot. She's been out of work for three months...you how that can become comfortable for some. But I believe once she gets this day done, it'll be old hat.


I'm sure she'll come home with lots to say. Shouldn't be long now...in the meantime, I'm going to enjoy more of my time off and also make an attempt to get other things done.   

These Bloomin' Flowers

Spring is come upon us

Flowers come forth 

Erasing the harshness

Of a cold winter's sting 

They are precious to me

No matter what they do

These, flowers of life

They are precious to me

Full of life and learning

Discovering their world

Beginning their journey

Their space in time

 This flower of life

Is my first grand

Tall at her age

Precious in my site

This flower of life

Is my second grand

Choosing this pose

Is precious in my site

This flower of life

Is my third grand

Hangin' with the best

Is precious in my site

I am truly blessed

To have these,

Precious flowers

Full of energy

Bringing colorful laughter 

The pedals of innocence

The pollen of intelligence

The scent of love

I take times of moments

To pause and take thought

And give thanks

For these

My three grands

So precious in my site

I just love

These Bloomin' Flowers

It's Not A Stain

I have been hit

I have been plummeted

I have been bruised

But I still stand

Throughout my journey

As time passes by

I see the light

In the bright blue sky

I do not run

I do not fall

I stand and take hits

Through it all

If I fail along the way

It is not complete

But only one time

To say the least

There are many one times

And I wear them well 

It is my armour

This I can tell


Though it is heavy in weight
It does not way me down
With my head lifted high
I wear the armour with crown


For the battle rages on
The fight is relentless
If I don't stand guard
I'll be knocked senseless


My armour is strong
No need to be grim
Armour made from life's trials
That were sent by Him


 

This one I had written on paper for about a week...unfinished. I couldn't go to bed without saying goodnight to my friends at One Shot...I'll be checking some of you out later...

I Thought I Saw Light

I don't know, where to begin

Seems all I can do is grin.

I had mentioned before

In another post for sure

How things were getting better.

But to my dismay, it is all a flutter.

On this road, thought to be a tunnel

I find myself, in the midst of a funnel.

Round and round I find myself going

It's daylight now I see a big Boeing. 

I understand now why it's been so,

Difficult times no matter where I go.

My oh my it's been hurdles and hoops

This road has more, here come some loops.

This all makes me fragile and dizzy

 But I can't stop now, I'm waaay to busy.

I take deep breaths and try not to sigh,

It's comes out of my mouth, so I just try

To continue my journey and see the light

From deep within this funnel, yes that's right

This funnel I thought was a road for travel

Nowhere near smooth, it's rough as gravel.

Trying to keep me confused, and fully at bay

It's just another obstacle, that gets in the way.

But have no fear for I am still here

Getting this wrench, unstuck from my gear 

With a twist and pull and also a tug

Free it comes, and my shoulders I shrug

The sky is dark now, but I see a light

From inside this funnel, I hope it gets bright

As I make my way out, I will still try--

Oh crap it's not a light, it's just a firefly! 

    

I've been in different moods lately with so many things going on. This came to mind while I was working and finished for Poetry Potluck....it's not on theme but wanted to be here. 

Part of My Sunday

Trying to get a handle on things...my life in general...can be an exhausting experience. I feel as if I am just beginning to come to a part of the road that is somewhat comfortable.


I can't deny that I have been struggling within. The emotional strain had been almost unbearable. Trying to cope as the saying goes. 


There are things about my blog I miss that I need to get back into. Not having as much time on my hands that I used to is a problem but not the total reason for my absence of late. By my absence, I mean some of the things I miss blogging about. 


So one of my goals is to change that....and I'll begin here...


I spent some time outside with the grandkids this afternoon, and tossed the ball around with Kiah for a few minutes. Then it was on to paint...

This is the beginning of a masterpiece...

Ava and Kiah

It didn't take long for this to disappear...

This is only a shadow of what they can become.

I look forward to many more masterpieces like these to be created.

Darcel and Samuel














                               


                              Reg

                                                                      

I know my kids have what it takes to succeed and I am proud of what they have accomplished thus far.


I am a believer in a bright future. Also knowing that hard work and discipline is a key. If I do that (discipline), I see a bright future. 


 

From His Eyes

Hey...I've some good news, but it's also bringing back some emotions that really,...I hope will never go away. 


Where to begin...ok, many of you know my oldest brother died from cancer in January. 


The night before that post, I had written a short story. It was in answer to an email I received from The Art Of Manliless Writer's group, where Adam B,  is the creator. 


He was announcing a Winter Writing Tournament. What caught my eye was the theme: Escape 


I thought of my brother and the condition his body was in due to the cancer. So I began to type. I finished the story that night. I had emailed a copy to Darcel when I was finished to see what she thought about me submitting it into the contest and to get some feedback.


She read it that night and said she liked it and basically didn't give me a clear cut answer on the contest...but leaned toward not a bad idea. 


The next day, he's gone...


I really struggled with what to do about the story. I was leaning more toward not doing it. In the end, I do and it comes up a winner. There were four entries and all were good stories. They were up one week for voting and comments. They said mine was without a plot and they were right, but what did it for them was the emotional point of view. 


It was a very emotional write for me.


For some, this will be a very hard read... 

From His Eyes

It is not easy, here in this situation, bordering life and death. I'm torn, or being torn between accepting the next step or trying to make a comeback to a life that I probably wouldn't be able to enjoy the way I used to. I do believe in miracles and it would take one to rid me of this cancer that has brought me to this point in life, and bordering death. 

I'm tired and weak. This body is no longer the vibrant specimen it once was. Should a comback begin to happen, will this body return to it's form I loved so much? When I was able to cloth myself, work to support my family, enjoy the foods I loved to eat but now only vision...in my mind? The cancer is in my bones and taken over my body, what life is there left in me? I need help to move, to eat, to drink. It's getting harder to remember things, people.

I feel as if I have become a burden to those around me. My family and friends visit. How much longer will I be able to know them? What are they thinking when they see me? This is not easy for me and I know it is not easy for them. I love them so much, and I can feel the love they have for me as well. Is this why I have trouble letting go? I'm trapped. Trapped between love and death. How do I escape this way of no life? So many questions. Who will answer them? I'm so tired I jus---

...what's going on?...that's right, I remember now. I drift off a lot these days. It's getting harder to stay awake, but for as long as I can, I want to remember. Remember the good times we shared. Remember the sparkle in the eyes, the hugs, the laughter, the love...in spite of the mistakes...remember.  

I believe I am ready to move on, but some love me so much, they hold on only to hope. Some love me so much they already know.

So why does death elude me? Why is life prolonged? 

Maybe what I need is to be left alone...nourish me as long as I am able to receive, bathe me, keep me clothed, take care of my body as I begin to find my way. I am, at a space in time that I must take. This body is no longer viable. Let me find my way...let me escape this space, this transition...keep me comfortable, but let me go. 

Reglandus White

January 25, 2011  

I'll Take Them

It is better to give than it is to receive.

It is a pleasure for me that I am able to take

part each week in giving of myself

through poetry.

I have been blessed to receive these awards

for giving of myself for something

I truly enjoy doing. 

In my heart I feel as if I don't deserve

them, but I accept them with honor.

My Participation Awards 

for Poets Rally week 39

Many thanks to everyone 

who makes all of this possible