My Experience Is---

Here I sit all in wonder, the past few weeks I've been waaaay down under.
Feeling better now not totally sure, what brought the change, to my door.
I received a message from a dear sweet friend, telling me to get it together I can't pretend,
That I've not been myself to do and create, but Someone else who had taken a stake
And drove it deep within, my very being, causing such a stir I was not singing
Nor feeling very jolly, but stiff as a board to be used as a dolly,
To move objects, from here to there;  now that the cloud is gone and in the air,
Is the feeing of hope, and as I tried to cope,
I did my daily prayer, and wondered then, what I thought was unfair.
Why do these things happen to me? I give of myself totally free,
Of seeking in return a favor or two. That's just me, and how I am through
And through, but still I wonder at times, and know to be true,
That coming from this I will be stronger and wiser. I will take this experience to use as a visor,
Because when the sun is bright I want to see, and use the visor---God's gift to me.

What?

I'm not totally sure what is going on inside my head, but I do have some ideas. It's like all I'm doing is going through the motions, even though I am generally in good spirits. But, every time I sit to write a post, my desire vanishes....almost immediately. I don't want to just throw anything together just for the sake of posting. If I don't feel it, it's not real for me....therefore, not real to you. When I write, it is important to me that what is written is from my heart as well as my mind. I'm hoping that expressing myself in this way will help to bring me out of this slump. I'm really disappointed that I haven't posted anything on the birth of my grandson.....this really bothers me.  

I haven't tweeted or been to my Facebook page on a regular. I thought I might be falling into a depressed state but I think I can rule that out.  I still laugh and talk;  when I work, I feel like my normal self. 

My mind is still full of new ideas, my creative side is alive and well. I know we go through things that affect us in life, and I have had many moments in the past that have been similar to this, but this one is hanging on as if never to let go. I will bounce from this and hopefully very soon. I'm sure there are others out there who understand what I'm going through. I've been praying and would appreciate any help in that area.

I'm a fighter and will win this battle.

UGH!!

I know, I know. It has been awhile since I've posted. It's not that I have writer's block...just no drive.  I'm told it gets like like that...so be expecting something soon. 

Peepaw

I am about to welcome my third grandchild into this world and my thoughts go back to how I came to be called Peepaw. Nakiah, who is now 5 years old tagged me with the title. At the time she was almost 3 years old. Mamaw was easy for her, so I'm thinking Papaw will be just as easy.  We (especially me of course) tried to get her to say Papaw, but to no avail. I remember times when Darcel would go around the horn and ask Nakiah who everyone was....Mommy came out of her mouth, Daddy did, and so did Mamaw....to my disappointment, no Papaw. Months go by and still no Papaw. So one day, in my finite wisdom...try to break it down for her. I start with trying to get her to say the first part by making the "pa" sound...nothing. I pronounce the letter "p" because she knew her alphabets...she said that, so I'm thinking, cool. I say the second half, "paw"...nothing. I don't remember how much time goes by, but we are all together again so I try again with the previous routine. I pronounce the "p", make the "pa" sound and then "paw". She hesitates, and out comes "p"paw...we all laugh and Darcel says, there ya go, because at one point I remember saying I don't care what she calls me as long as she calls me anything other than "gramps" or "grandpa" or "granddaddy"....nothing wrong with those, just not for me.


Nakiah and Ava

So I'm already wondering how do you spell "p"paw. I didn't want to have just a "p" and then "paw" and I wanted something that everyone knew how it would be pronounced when they saw it, so I came up with "Peepaw"...you're welcome.


Time goes by and I find out Darcel and Charles are pregnant. After Ava is born, I ask Darcel are we going to see if I will be called "Papaw" or "Peepaw" by the new addition when she is able to talk....remember, my wisdom is finite...and in  Darcel's infinite wisdom, she tells me it has to be "Peepaw" to keep confusion down. So as Ava grows and begins to speak, she too calls me "Peepaw"....music to my ears.


Know what?...I wouldn't have it any other way because my granddaughter, in her infinite wisdom, tagged me with a title that I would like to think only exists in all the world, right here....I'm their Peepaw.

Only if / If only

These days are becoming busier with each passing moment. The time I used to spend after work doing whatever has transformed into time well spent. Some of the things I have written posts on are coming back to bite me....but, I knew this would happen. Yes, I'm getting caught up in...getting it done, but it's all good, because this is life. Yes, I write about things that keep us "tied up" and I will no doubt continue to do so, but the key is to stay focused and make sure I don't lose myself into what I am doing. That said, let's see if I can keep my sanity...I'll keep you posted..heh, heh. 


Deep down, I know I will be busier than I have been and that is to be  expected. I know I will miss the free time I'm so comfortable with. I could say that I will do certain things as far as this project goes, Only if it doesn't interfere with my present state. Of course that wouldn't get me very far. I'm really looking forward to becoming active again. I'll have to remember to step back as often as needed to ask for guidance. I don't want to be in a situation where I make wrong decisions...too often, because I know mistakes will be made. I will be in prayer and seeking that guidance. I can't do this on my own. I know that all the creative thoughts and ideas that come into my mind are a product from Someone greater than me, I just happen to be the recipient of such a gift. God gives me all that I need to succeed and with that, I know it will be my decisions to cause mistakes.


So I will go forward with whatever awaits me. I know what I have in mind, but there is no telling what lies ahead, either as a benefit or an obstruction. God knows...therefore I will continue to seek His guidance. It would be a shame if all fails because I find myself saying, If only I had stopped to listen.