No Denial

Not sure where to start after about a month and a half of silence. I won't deny that I have been out of the loop in many ways for various reasons. While I'm driving during the day, so much is on my mind and some of it takes me on a journey of wonderment. 

I look at the positives that are in my life but the things that go wrong, often overshadow any good that surfaces. I won't crawl into a shell and become nonexistent or downtrodden, but I do have a tendency to get quiet.

Many of you know that I lost my oldest brother to prostate cancer a couple of years ago. My second oldest brother lost his battle in the same way this past February. I think about my mom and how hard this must be for her losing her two oldest in this way. I have been remembering things my brother Ray (recently past) had talked to me about over the years. One thing comes to mind that we both wished we could have done, but the funds just wasn't there. I think I was about 17 maybe 18 years old and he said that the price of gasoline was going to rise drastically in the future. At that time, it was unheard of. We were enjoying gas prices well under a dollar per gallon, cigarettes were also less that a dollar a pack. He said that if I could, to put money into oil stock...that was good advice I didn't or couldn't follow up on.

Even though I didn't talk to my brothers on a regular basis while they were here, I do miss them.

There have been other issues that have taken their toll on my mind and I do feel drained emotionally.

Attempts at getting back to a regular routine has proven to be difficult for me, but it will happen. I look to God for strength and endurance....I can't do it without Him. 

Here's to moving on and hanging tough.

    

    

A LOT Of Thinking

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about many different things. Some of it making me very angry, some making me think even more, some giving me feelings of despair, and some giving me answers. 

Early in my life, I had been taught to take responsibility for what I do and I have done that for the most part. I am far from being anywhere near perfect and I acknowledge that. I have made many mistakes that I take the blame for. I hurt when I hurt others.

When others make mistakes that affect me, I try to remember that they too are human and mistakes happen. But when the same types of mistakes happen on a consistent basis I have a problem with that. I know we are suppose to forgive, but the Lord knows I have trouble with consistent mistakes. When and where is the line drawn? I know too we are to forgive at all times.

In this skin that is humanity, it is very difficult...all too easy to hate those that do these things to us. But in the end, it is I who will suffer because of not forgiving. I will be the one whose bones will ache and drawn into a state of depression and despair. It is my mind that will be filled with bitterness that is best used for the betterment of my life and for those around me while they that choose to live a life of doing what they do continue to do what they do, whether knowingly or not. 

The importance of forgiving is just that...very important. The effects of harboring unforgiving thoughts is far more damaging than one can imagine. It has no benefits that will be good for me. 

I am really struggling at the moment and I know I need to turn this around. I need to stop looking at what has happened over the past few years and move on. I have a lot of positive things going on and I am thankful for that.

Humility is hard to swallow. Perfection was given only to the one true God and He said that we are to forgive because He knows that if we don't...it is we who will suffer...and we are to leave the rest to Him. 

A Blogger's Pic In Poetry 4

Hello everyone and thank you for your interest in the series

A Blogger's Pic In Poetry 

This is number 4 in the series and another photograph by Daniel Plumer

What stands out for me in this photo?...the fire and ice look, each giving the other their due respect in opposites, creating a union of beauty.  

Two Beautiful


A fire travels above the cool quench below in sight

Consuming not to destroy, but to give wondrous light

The coolness below touched not by its red hot glare

Seems they two admonish, their beauty declared

Photograph by Daniel Plumer 

Poem by me

A Gifted Talent Given

Let the talent of the talent shine

Brightly as gifted it was given, absolute

Astounding, the beauty of the gifted talent

How bright the talent?...matters not

Resting it aside for still of time, wasted

For it is not the one to give the talent light

But true to the giving, it is His light shining

Once the talent is motioned thru space of time

Wonder not the beauty to the eye

Savor in His gift, the talent given to shine

Time's Relevance

Time's relevance is irrelevant at times
Other times, so vastly important
Seeking to achieve one's destiny
Time waits for no man at all times


Man's purpose, sought by man throughout
In degrees that vary for purpose in life
Some to persevere in want and need
By others in disillusionment and despair


Flashing moments portray accomplishments
Times even to them who feel failure
Remember one and all, remember
Time's relevance, in the hands of one

                                                         

Out Of Place

I haven't felt much like writing lately and it feels awful. I've almost felt like going into hibernation or I'm already there.

The strange thing about this?....a lot of good things are happening around me that affects me directly or indirectly, but still I encounter the doldrums. As always, I know this won't last but nonetheless it takes the fire from the coals that would heat.

No, I am not sulking or in dismay, I am just at a point of stagnation...kind of like a car out of gas and instead of filling the tank, keep turning the key in hopes it will soon start.

Maybe I'll realize soon that I need to open the car door, retrieve the gas can and walk to a gas station to fuel the car.

A Needed Break

I had taken an unannounced break from writing and it actually felt pretty good...it wasn't even planned, but I guess I needed it.

Although I haven't been writing, I have been busy doing other things. I'm trying to keep my website and blog distinct from each other, making this one personal and the other strictly business...that shouldn't be too hard huh? Of course after a little thought, this was my launching pad for where I am today. I'm sure I can come up with a good balance. 

Here are three frames I put together and I'm pretty sure I know what is going in each one....they may not even be clocks.... 

Not counting the frames above, I'm about to start a custom clock for someone.

On another note, my veggies are coming along rather well...the bell peppers are getting huge and I've had a few tomatoes and they are pretty tasty. I'll have to get updated pics soon.

That's all I have for now....WhatrUWorkinOn?

As I Tweeted Earlier Today

Some of you already know that I replaced the oxygen sensor on my van earlier today. At first I didn't think I would get the old one out. A piece of cake is what I thought, especially since the van was driven which would heat the part enough....so I thought. Even with vise grips it would not budge. I almost gave up because I didn't want to damage the old sensor in case I couldn't get it out. So I go old school and apply heat directly to the connection with a propane tank....put the grips back on it, gave it a twist, and bingo! I just started thanking God right away because He gave me all that I needed to get it loose....patience and time to think it through without getting flustered. 

After the new one was in place, I didn't wait to start it up...I wanted to see if it was going to be any different during starting and idling. So I fire it up and it didn't start right away, but it didn't drag either. I could tell right away....seconds after it was running, that it had made a difference. It idled quietly, but when I placed it into drive it was rough, as if nothing had changed.

So I take it out for a spin. Once I hit the road and accelerate, it had more power. It didn't drag during acceleration and I was really happy about that. I decide to take it on the interstate and on the entrance ramp it had more get up and go. I was able to change lanes faster. Now I'll have to be careful not to drive it like a race car or I won't be saving any fuel still. We'll see what happens this week.

Oh yeah...I also bought a grease gun and lubed the front end today...that made a big difference too.

Yeah...some of you know about that too. 

For those who don't, you can catch up here: This Takes Me Back 

                                                                 This Is My Yesterday

Reggie

It Doesn't Take Much

I took these pictures in our back yard earlier today.

It doesn't take much to appreciate the fact that change is on the way.

Let Me Explain: Part 2

Difficulties in life can weigh heavily on the mind, body, spirit, and soul of anyone. For me it has been to the point of emotional drainage. Dealing with these and coming to grips has undoubtedly taken its toll but has not destroyed me although at times I have felt as if they have. 


I have always been a firm believer in God although I have not been in His presence the way I once was and I'm sure that is one reason for my present state of being. Prayer has made its way back into my life and is making a big difference. 


Many years ago when I was a member of New Life Worship Center, I prayed oh so many times about my marriage and how I so desired to have a loving relationship with TheWife again. When we first met, things were everything I wanted in a relationship, but that changed after we got married. We still had good times and I'm sure many can relate how changes take place after years of being together, but I also know that this in not the norm in many cases. Many people knew of my dilemma and I'm sure countless prayers went out on our behalf. 


I am an emotional, caring and sensitive person. Passion is strong in my being. I so desired to have these a part of my marriage but it was not to be and I wondered if I would ever rekindle these in the marriage. I tried talking and doing whatever I could to have my prayers answered because I knew that praying alone would not bring this to fruition. After years of emptiness I gave up and realized I was not going to have the answer I was seeking. I was bitter. Not at God, because I knew that all prayer does not bring the answer we are looking for. I was bitter at TheWife. I wondered why she chose to take the route she did in not trying to keep any kind of passion between us. I was truly perplexed. What puzzled me during our time in church was the fact that she began to give me the impression that because we were in church, it was wrong to have sexual thoughts and desires. For example, if we were watching a movie that had sex scenes, she would make comments about how disgusting it was....what?! I couldn't believe what I was hearing! I talked to her countless times but without success. It was as if she felt because she was in church it was taboo to even think that way. Sure we had what she thought was sex every now and again but far from what even came close to satisfying my needs. After awhile I felt it was pointless and made me feel even more despondent. 


I know that it is not unusual for some people to lose there sex drive but I don't feel that was the case here. My thoughts were and still are today that she just didn't want to have sex with me, she kept me at arms length so as NOT to have that in our marriage. Why? I have a few guesses as to why (maybe in part 3?). 


I can't remember the last time we had a long passionate kiss or loving embrace. My heart weighs heavy and I'm sure you may be wondering why in the world would I stay in a situation like this and I wonder also.


When we got back together, I thought things would be better than they were before and that we would have a relationship that would resemble anything close to what I dream of. She seems to be content with the way things are and would be happy to have a sexless, passionless life together. I'm far from being dead in body, mind, spirit and desires of the heart. I want and need to have the touch of a woman that would take my breath away. I long to have my ear nibbled. I want to have a woman's hand to momentarily stroke or squeeze my butt to let me know that I still have it goin' on. When I look in the mirror I see a man... a real man....not out of shape. Sure I've aged but at almost 58 years old, still desirable.


I'm not bitter at God, but I have asked...why Lord? What have I done to deserve this emptiness?


I'm sure you can tell in my comments lately concerning TheWife that I'm not happy and I seem to be bashing her but I also know that it is and has been up to me to do something about it. Saying that, I have to say this....because I believe in God, I also believe in the vows I took when I got married. I believe in family. But I also believe I deserve better because I gave my all.


Is this what I get for being such a caring person?....


I know some of you say...fool...what are you still doing there? I have asked that same question. 


Lord, I know you are able to change anything and I also know that sometimes the answer is no....what to do....what to do.         

My Christmas Poem

The greatest gift given to me
Was the babe in a manger
For all the world to see


Herald as the coming Savior
For the sake of mankind
Because of his behavior


Such a gift to have received

   Year in and onward to beyond
For man has been deceived


To spend and spend
When all He did was exist
God in man was the blend


No flat screen TV
Nor a phone of droid
Did this gift come to be


No glitter of lights adorned
Save the guiding star shining
 To He who was born


That miracle happened but once
And has never stopped giving.
Love such love, the gift of sustenance

Time stands still for no man

Appreciation comes and settles

Sun rises and too the moon can

Matter not what I think or feel

But this award above you see

To me is really a big big deal

Thank you Poetry Palace for this award

My nomination goes to Bupinder Singh http://bupinder21.wordpress.com/2011/12/28/addiction/

I am linking this to Thursday Poets Rally 

over at The Poetry Palace 

In The Midst Of A Storm

I'm into my fifth day of consecutive posting and I have to admit that it has done a lot for me so far. My stress level has gone down a great deal, but I have been away from work and this will be my first day back since starting my 30 day challenge, beginning on the 19th. 


So we'll find out if I'm able to keep this good mood going. I'm realizing that a lot of my frustration is stemming from the fact that I'm not used to struggling through being in good moods. I do have my moments when I want to be alone and not be bothered, but who doesn't.  I think I might be out of sync...or should I say I am out of sync. I may as well; it would help to admit it out loud.


OK, that's done. 

Challenges of life can taxing to say the least. I know I have hoped and prayed for awhile now that my situation would change. In some ways it has. In a lot of ways it has not. I have not really questioned God as to why, but have wondered in my head and out loud as to why; and I believe I am asking myself when the questions arise.






















Imagine a ship at sea in the midst of a storm without navigation, looking for the light from a lighthouse to help guide them. If the light is not shining, does that mean the lighthouse is not there?














So what about my hopes and prayers? Does that mean God is not there if nothing has changed? 


I know He is still there and always will be. So what does that mean? For me it means that there are things that I should, can, will, and must do in oder to achieve that which I seek to accomplish.


I don't think the occupants of that ship will give up just because they are unable to see the light that might guide them to safety. I believe they will do whatever they can to accomplish their goal...to survive the storm.

Who I Am

Who I am remains to be told
And as time goes, all will unfold
For all to see what I am about
I'm lean for my age, and pretty stout


I believe in God, as my creator
And thank Him often I'll tell you later
For now I will say it's because of Him
My current situation, does stem

I am the creator of The Bottomless Heart
I love so much the designs that are a part
Of my life today, to bring joy and smiles
To the lives of loved ones for miles and miles


I am a grandfather of three, 2 girls and a boy
They fill My Heart with so much joy
To hear them laugh and play
This age I wish they could stay


But time will not allow this to be
For they will grow older along with me
As their grandfather straight off the cuff
The Bottomless Heart and other stuff


Will be a foundation for them to build
And to add as they please within the field 
Of family friendly products for all to enjoy
And the many people they will employ


I could go on but here I'll stop
But I will continue, with clip and crop
As designs and words from here to there
Will come to fruition, I'll be sure to share