New Home

To my faithful followers and readers, I have decided to move my blog to Wordpress. I believe this move will help me in my future endeavors in allowing me to focus on improvements in time management, my social network, blogging and my business.

I am a one man show and I do at times find it difficult managing my time. This is a work in progress and I hope you will continue in following my journey.

Please visit and follow me at WhatrUWorkinOn.com 

A LOT Of Thinking

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about many different things. Some of it making me very angry, some making me think even more, some giving me feelings of despair, and some giving me answers. 

Early in my life, I had been taught to take responsibility for what I do and I have done that for the most part. I am far from being anywhere near perfect and I acknowledge that. I have made many mistakes that I take the blame for. I hurt when I hurt others.

When others make mistakes that affect me, I try to remember that they too are human and mistakes happen. But when the same types of mistakes happen on a consistent basis I have a problem with that. I know we are suppose to forgive, but the Lord knows I have trouble with consistent mistakes. When and where is the line drawn? I know too we are to forgive at all times.

In this skin that is humanity, it is very difficult...all too easy to hate those that do these things to us. But in the end, it is I who will suffer because of not forgiving. I will be the one whose bones will ache and drawn into a state of depression and despair. It is my mind that will be filled with bitterness that is best used for the betterment of my life and for those around me while they that choose to live a life of doing what they do continue to do what they do, whether knowingly or not. 

The importance of forgiving is just that...very important. The effects of harboring unforgiving thoughts is far more damaging than one can imagine. It has no benefits that will be good for me. 

I am really struggling at the moment and I know I need to turn this around. I need to stop looking at what has happened over the past few years and move on. I have a lot of positive things going on and I am thankful for that.

Humility is hard to swallow. Perfection was given only to the one true God and He said that we are to forgive because He knows that if we don't...it is we who will suffer...and we are to leave the rest to Him. 

Am I Too Hard On Myself?

Sometimes I think I have to justify being critical about what I do or want to do to achieve the goals I have set. It has not been easy for me to push forward to reach for that gold ring as the wheel goes around. 

I think of the setbacks and how hard it has been for me to regroup, breath, forgive AND forget. It is so hard to keep a frame of mind to NOT let things keep me from accomplishing what I know I am capable of doing. It is so easy to listen to that voice telling me to give up, quit, it's not worth it, OR that it can't be done. Telling me that no one really cares or wants what I have to offer. 

Sometimes I start feeling and believing that. I do want to stop and I do hear myself say those words, breathing sighs of discouragement.

Yes it is easy to drop it all after losing so much in preparing for this moment in my life...when just a few short years ago I was tool ready and now starting from scratch.

I could let these emotions fester like a sore and destroy me, but then I'm asked if I still make Shadowbox Clocks and I say yes and now find myself custom designing an 8 x 8. 

I do have a lot of things going on and I do intend to keep moving on and NOT giving up. 

Yes I am hard on myself at times but it's a good thing. As much as I would like to post on a regular basis, I's getting busy for me and it may get quiet here, but...

It Just Takes One

It's funny sometimes how things work out or just plain Divine intervention...a wake up so to speak. Any number of people can tell you the same thing over time but when one person speaks it, you finally hear it. You actually stop to breath, and it feels so fresh. It puts things into perspective again. That happened today. So that coupled with what I have and haven't been doing brings a welcomed collision. 

What I haven't been doing is finishing some projects I started, but that did give me time to take the time to review what I have been doing with my designs and some other things I could be doing. So that got me started.

I have been busy coming up with some new designs and was in the process of putting products on the site when the server crashed. I did get a few items up but not what I really wanted because I didn't have the images in my basket on the site yet. 

So I'm actually pecking this out instead doing that. But this is one of those things I haven't been doing and has bothered me more than I should have let it. One of those things that I have struggled with the past few weeks. I haven't felt like writing or doing much of anything on the social network (which I have trouble with anyway), discouragement settling in and getting a pretty good grip.

Then out of nowhere, the words come to light and they shook me. A much needed breath of fresh air. So thankful that it finally clicked. It just took one.

I Found Myself In Thought

I finally got around to making it comfortable to work outside. The shade and the breeze are soothing. TheWife was off Wednesday and 'reminded me' that it would be a good idea to put the umbrella up. We have a dining room table that's been around since we've been married....well after we got our first apartment.....anyway, I digress ; the only thing I had to do was to drill the hole and set the umbrella. We had chairs but the table is the only thing that  survived, but these will do for now. 


Now I'm outside and I realized my thoughts spanned several years of my life. A couple of days ago I was thinking of "the thought that kept driving me to do better than where I am" at any given moment in my life, that is what I want to do. Strive to do better, even when others see it as just someone else with a dream. The driving force in this particular thought stems from my tenure as an Autoglass Technician. When I first got into installing, it was a new adventure...learning, hands on, making decisions, getting things done under, at times almost impossible circumstances. Sure there were lots of times when a call was necessary but for the most part it was if I was my own company.


So over the years I made manager and this was a whole new ballgame. I felt as if I was fed to the wolves. I was a 'working manager' and many aspects of the job were never taught...yeah you know, on the managing end. Of course I was to 'pick up on this part' in between installs. It was almost a torturous number of years. So when that didn't work, I was offered a tech job....that's pretty much what they all do when you don't work out as a manager....unless you really screwed up bad. 


Besides my drive to want a better life for myself and my family, I scoped the ranks of the technician pool and I didn't want to be one of those who has toiled and labored for years on end and then retire as a tech. I saw the battered bodies and frustrated minds....but I kept listening to the promise of opportunity...even with another company....and there too, the years of labor taking its toll on the seniors of the tech pool....realizing, if I stayed the course, I would be one of them. 


I'm no better than any of them, but I finally chose to pull myself away from that table, and let the plate fall to its breaking....while I still have the drive and desire to fulfill accomplishments. 


Now I turn my attention to other tables to see what feasts or spoils await.     
    

I Needed Wheels

To continue from my previous post, there is one thing that I do miss about my job and that is I didn't have to worry about transportation. We were allowed to drive the vans home after we were finished for the day; that was a big savings in fuel costs, maintenance costs and insurance costs I didn't have to worry about.


So now I was in need of some wheels. My first thought was what I would be doing and what type of vehicle would best suit the purpose. I already knew what I wanted and needed but I had to go through the routine because it wasn't just about me and what I needed it for. Price of course comes into play because the funds are very limited so I had to stay within that certain range. Something that would get decent gas mileage which would have to be a car, but would be too small in the long run. I started looking at mini vans and suvs while still looking at cars. As it turned out, the prices for cars were about the same or higher than the vans, so that's where I turned all of my focus although I did test drive a mini van or two. 


I've always liked older cars, not sure why. Maybe it's because I can work on some of the problems that may arise on my own. 


What I really wanted was an older Chevy van. Back in the early ninety's I had a 1977 Chevy van. We loved that van; it had four captains chairs and an area in the back with a table that transformed into a bed if you would. The seating area around the table was in a U shape and lifting the table top off of its post and laying it into the U opening would give you a bed. 


I like vans because they are versatile such as bad weather when you need to haul something. So I come across an ad for a 93 Chevy van, must see the add said. I pass it up. I was about $500.00 more than what I wanted to spend. I continue shopping and begin to get more and more frustrated. Days turn into a week and then more. The van is still on the market with a price drop....hmmmm. This looks promising. I decided to rent a car for two days because it's crunch time and my timeline is slowly dissipating; the longer I have the money, the more chances it will also shrink. 


I drive onto the lot looking for the van as I pull in, I spot it. After parking I get out and walk straight to it. It's clean and no dents, but it's a window van....ugh! I like vans but window vans are not on my list of favorites. I ask for the key and it fires right up. There is nothing inside but two front seats. It has air, I check it and it's cold....looking better....I look it over inside and spotless is how to describe it. For a van this old I was expecting some damages, but nothing major that I could see. 


Now it's time to negotiate. I knew coming in I was $200.00 short of the new price but I go for it. He said he would have to make a phone call and...bingo! I get it for $600.00 less than the original advertised price!

I know you're thinking I now have an extra $600.00 to work with....not so....remember when I said that I came with a couple hundred less than what they wanted for the van?....yes, the funds had already began to shrink due to odds and ends popping up. 

But I have my van!

Fear and Success

Image Credit

Image Credit

The Journey

Life is unpleasant though pleasant

The traveled roads are obscure

The hills and valleys beauty

Lend their purpose and fulfill

We tend to wonder at times

Traveling onward and on

Passively aggressive and mild

So tedious the brain is the mind

Push and shove duck and dodge

Make way and clear the roads

Though futile it seems

Moving that in the way

Thinking it done but finished not

Cause the roads clearing is naught

For now we dig and probe the things

That take the place of before

Hours work is evermore endless

As we journey through live

Nostrils filled with sweet stench

For the roads of life lingers on 

This is linked to Jingle Poetry At The Gooseberry Garden

Poetry Picnic Week 24

What Is The Right Thing To Do?

Our internet service went down last night and was restored a couple of hours ago. After the restoration, I really noticed how much email I had accumulated and decided to clean house. While going through my two major accounts it came very clear to me how different things are for me right now. One of the accounts showed me how much I had strayed away from poetry and the online friends I was beginning to become acquainted with. Not only that but a couple of blogs I was reading on a regular basis.


As I continued through the old mail, the dates brought to mind what I had already remembered long before starting this venture. The 1 year anniversary of my oldest brother's passing. I called my mom and talked to her for awhile and that made me remember even more how much I miss him. It was good to hear my mom's voice...still strong in my ear....realizing how much I miss her too.


Events in life never stop...they keep coming. How they affect us and how we choose to deal with them rest solely on our individual shoulders. Deleting those old emails did bring back memories but they also triggered a need....no....a desire to restore what I miss about me. Even though you may not have heard from me as much as before, I have not been idle. Changes have been taking place and the journey continues.


Eliminating that which hinders us sometimes may not seem the right thing to do in the eyes of others, but others don't have to live our lives. Remembering is not always a good thing, but forgetting can sometimes be the wrong thing to do. How we handle these rest solely on our individual shoulders.


Time doesn't stop, events continue to happen and changes do take their place. We must also take our spot and do what is right for us...even if others may think it foolish...they do not live our lives...and we don't live theirs. 


Making decisions are all a part of the journey and they have to be made...good or bad, right or wrong. 

Let Me Explain: Part 2

Difficulties in life can weigh heavily on the mind, body, spirit, and soul of anyone. For me it has been to the point of emotional drainage. Dealing with these and coming to grips has undoubtedly taken its toll but has not destroyed me although at times I have felt as if they have. 


I have always been a firm believer in God although I have not been in His presence the way I once was and I'm sure that is one reason for my present state of being. Prayer has made its way back into my life and is making a big difference. 


Many years ago when I was a member of New Life Worship Center, I prayed oh so many times about my marriage and how I so desired to have a loving relationship with TheWife again. When we first met, things were everything I wanted in a relationship, but that changed after we got married. We still had good times and I'm sure many can relate how changes take place after years of being together, but I also know that this in not the norm in many cases. Many people knew of my dilemma and I'm sure countless prayers went out on our behalf. 


I am an emotional, caring and sensitive person. Passion is strong in my being. I so desired to have these a part of my marriage but it was not to be and I wondered if I would ever rekindle these in the marriage. I tried talking and doing whatever I could to have my prayers answered because I knew that praying alone would not bring this to fruition. After years of emptiness I gave up and realized I was not going to have the answer I was seeking. I was bitter. Not at God, because I knew that all prayer does not bring the answer we are looking for. I was bitter at TheWife. I wondered why she chose to take the route she did in not trying to keep any kind of passion between us. I was truly perplexed. What puzzled me during our time in church was the fact that she began to give me the impression that because we were in church, it was wrong to have sexual thoughts and desires. For example, if we were watching a movie that had sex scenes, she would make comments about how disgusting it was....what?! I couldn't believe what I was hearing! I talked to her countless times but without success. It was as if she felt because she was in church it was taboo to even think that way. Sure we had what she thought was sex every now and again but far from what even came close to satisfying my needs. After awhile I felt it was pointless and made me feel even more despondent. 


I know that it is not unusual for some people to lose there sex drive but I don't feel that was the case here. My thoughts were and still are today that she just didn't want to have sex with me, she kept me at arms length so as NOT to have that in our marriage. Why? I have a few guesses as to why (maybe in part 3?). 


I can't remember the last time we had a long passionate kiss or loving embrace. My heart weighs heavy and I'm sure you may be wondering why in the world would I stay in a situation like this and I wonder also.


When we got back together, I thought things would be better than they were before and that we would have a relationship that would resemble anything close to what I dream of. She seems to be content with the way things are and would be happy to have a sexless, passionless life together. I'm far from being dead in body, mind, spirit and desires of the heart. I want and need to have the touch of a woman that would take my breath away. I long to have my ear nibbled. I want to have a woman's hand to momentarily stroke or squeeze my butt to let me know that I still have it goin' on. When I look in the mirror I see a man... a real man....not out of shape. Sure I've aged but at almost 58 years old, still desirable.


I'm not bitter at God, but I have asked...why Lord? What have I done to deserve this emptiness?


I'm sure you can tell in my comments lately concerning TheWife that I'm not happy and I seem to be bashing her but I also know that it is and has been up to me to do something about it. Saying that, I have to say this....because I believe in God, I also believe in the vows I took when I got married. I believe in family. But I also believe I deserve better because I gave my all.


Is this what I get for being such a caring person?....


I know some of you say...fool...what are you still doing there? I have asked that same question. 


Lord, I know you are able to change anything and I also know that sometimes the answer is no....what to do....what to do.         

Back To Basics

After realizing I'm putting myself through more than needed right now, I have decided to get back to basics. I'm going to discontinue the meme and concentrate on what I do....just be me. Maybe some place down the road I will revive the meme on a monthly basis, but now I must concentrate on what is at hand.


I'm not as far ahead as I would like to be designing my T-shirts and other products, but I am making progress.

~~~~~~~~~

  

I finally retrieved the pictures from my camera which means I can finally share them. 

~~~~~~~~~

Time management is my biggest problem right now. I have time to get things done but in the end, I'm out of time with little done in certain areas. Once I get that in order things should be getting easier and less stressful for me.

~~~~~~~~~

I can't believe I went this long without posting something. This won't happen again.

Challenges

A thought just came to me concerning challenges...several thoughts actually. 


Sometimes we seem to feel we are challenged and in some cases we are put on the defensive because we may feel it was unjust, creating emotions built on anger.


There are times when stuff pops up when we least expect it and that could cause anxiety...which in turn will bring thoughts that are not quite clear because we don't have the desire to deal with anything.


Then there are challenges that push us...make us work, think, have that feeling of accomplishment. 


So what are the underlying factors behind challenges? Are they tests? Do they come to consume ones very being? Are they meant to build?...or destroy. 


Challenges come in all facets through life. We cannot avoid them. One thing they can do at times... frustrate. But I believe in the long run, that builds character.


My vote goes to challenges being an integral part of life unavoidable....like it or not...and whether I like them or not, they teach me and I learn and from that comes growth.


I guess it's all in how you look at it.


Whatr U Workin On?  

WhatrUWorkinOn-Friday Set 1

Rules

• Absolutely no porn of ANY kind. (so don't even think about it)
• Comments are not necessary but welcome.
• Be kind
• And have fun 

If you've never linked to a site before, you must first publish your post then copy and past your link to that post here, using inlinz at the bottom of this post.

That's all there is to it...I'm looking forward to reading along with others, what it is you're #workinon.

Here's mine 

Getting Back In

At this point in my life, I have more distractions than I have had before. It's not all bad, it just takes me away from some things I want and need to do. Yes there are some distractions that have taken their toll on me. 

It has been a long time since I have designed anything new, I haven't been posting like I was, I'm sitting on projects...and it goes on. 

I haven't been able to access my files on the pc yet and that is a real treat because I have pictures I need along with the files I'd like to re-acquire.

So I have been on a mission recently to get back in the game. I've been feeling sorry for myself, complaining...blah, blah blah...yep, that was me. I'm done with that. It's time for me to pick myself up and get going. I purchased a external hard drive to transfer the files from the pc. If the hard drive is truly dead, then I will have to start from scratch...well, almost from scratch. I do have a lot of my greeting card files and t-shirt designs saved but I need the main software.

I got the Netbook thinking I would also be using the pc. That went south shortly after I got the Netbook, so it's not all bad because I can still do whatever except it doesn't have a disc drive. I'll purchase an enclosure and solve that problem.

I'm giving myself two weeks to make a decent dent in this turnaround. I figure if I put it out there, I'll have to be accountable....and I want this.

Whatr U Workin On?       

Where Will I Sit

where would i find to rest
if i were to choose to sip

a drink of the bubbly,

my rear for comfort at best

where would i find you

with friends at home?

or would a club be the place

the have a brew or two

so many ways i could spend

this time that i have

for refreshing my mind,

to rest my rear end

i spot a pair of eyes

gazing my way,

i offer to share another

i ask her to stay

next to me as i begin to drool

with this thing of beauty,

we find ourselves sitting

on these, modern bar stools 

the music is lite, the music is soft

the conversation moves on,
what has happened?
as my mind drifts aloft

this thing of beauty is into me

i into her, as we talk of future

time to be together

what oh what, could this be

of course it's too soon

to even consider,

you know i barely know her

but my heart is a swoon 

this was a good choice

this place to be,

as i envision the future

you should see what is see

dream the impossible

believe the improbable

for you never know

in this life, how far you will go

Counting Down

Courtesy of Photobucket

I'm coming into the final 4 days of my 30 day blog challenge. 
As I said earlier, it doesn't seem like a challenge anymore. 


I originally thought this was going to be difficult, but it has proven to be rather refreshing. 


Sure there were a few times when I felt as if I was coming up short, but it's like I said before, I have trouble opening up at times...then I had a thought...it's only what I choose to make available.


That's not the real issue though. 


I like to express myself in different ways. I like to incorporate my own style in what I do, as do so many others. I guess the trouble is figuring out how I want to present my thought. 


Just when I think I've

   

WhatrUWorkinOn.com
Copyright 2010

Things happen to make a change. Sometimes change is good even if it takes me out of my comfort zone. 


Surely I would have learned something along the way....isn't that's what life is all about? 

Winter's Time

Courtesy of Photobucket

Winter is surely upon us as it stayed in the 30's but it felt much colder with the wind. I had a hard time keeping my hands warm, as is the case with each passing winter.


My hands have taken a beating over the years; some from my own young, not really thinking what long term effects playing in the snow year after year with no gloves, might have. I'm sure I am dealing in some way with that. 


I have almost always worked outside during my years of employment. 


Today was brisk. I was dressed for it but it's tough to keep the hands warm continually and I can't do what needs to be done in thick heavy gloves. 


So I take a few minutes to warm the hands. 


You know what?...I will take these temps for winter time any day.


Again I am reminded that we don't get snow here.

Courtesy of Photobucket

I think I will miss that at some point. I have always liked the snow. I would love to sit in a window and watch it fall. I was fascinated at how it seemed to just appear out of nowhere from the nighttime sky, the street lights setting the stage for the wind dance; that's when the snow would swirl and dance in the wind before giving way to gravity...that was always my favorite snowfalls to experience. 


I'm listening to the radio right now...R&B...it's perfect for what I like to do when I'm posting or designing. It sets the mood...I can really relax and unwind...let my emotions of the day slowly drain...


Speaking of designing, I haven't been. Not a stitch. Not a swirl. Not a thing.


That did a lot for me. More than I had thought...until now. Now I know I was too engulfed into my work. I learned something from that...I can still have the zeal, but I can also take time for me. 


I just feel that if I'm not doing something, then nothing is getting done. Does that make sense to you? 


I'm going to be my own MONSTER. That's gonna suck...I'll have to keep an eye out for that. 


So I'll have to take a look in the mirror and ask myself...

WhatrUWorkinOn.com
Copyright 2010

Steps

Sometimes my steps take me into specific directions. I know where I'm going, what I want to do, what I need to get done, how it should be done and when to do it.


Then there are times when the steps I want to take are not easy ones to maneuver. 

Copyright 2010
WhatrUWorkinOn.com

They seem to be coming from all directions, and some are sharp and have to be dealt with cautiously. 


Some of the steps I have to take throw me off and make me feel uneasy.


I also feel as if I'm being pulled and swayed in all directions. It feels confusing.


But I managed to get through those times and continued on with what needed to be done in life.


I can't forget the times when I felt as if I was going in opposite directions.

Copyright 2010
WhatrUWorkinOn.com

         

Those were draining me of energy because it took a lot of effort to stay focused.

Where I am now is much better and manageable. Things can turn at any given moment but right now the flow is one I can handle.

Copyright 2010 WhatrUWorkinOn.com

Because now I know where I'm headed.

             

I Don't Need This

No...it isn't people, it's things. It started last night before bed. My pc is not recognizing my DVD burner. I have a spare DVD drive and tried to attach that but it didn't work either. I know the drives are good so it is my motherboard or power supply. I'm leaning toward the board.


It also affected some, not all files on my hard drive...how?...ugh!!


I don't need this right now, but I have to figure this out. 

Experiences

We all have experiences that we remember at some time in our lives that may have had a significant impact in our lives that caused us to make a change or to at least, step back for a moment and re-evaluate what's going on in our lives. 


The first one I will share really has no dynamic impact in the outcome of my life as it is today, but it is something I now know, I will never forget. I believe it was in the early 90's when we were on a church retreat in Columbus, OH. I was the Youth Director at the time and it was one of our annual meetings, setting dates and planning for growth.  It was in the fall and very windy. This day in particular caught my attention because there was a flagpole that was almost doubled over. It had a huge flag attached and it was almost touching the ground. I stood there in amazement how the pole was able to withstand the strength of the wind pulling that flag downward. I just knew that pole was going to snap...but it held, and stood upright when the winds calmed. Until that moment, I never saw anything like that before...as flagpoles go. That thought triggers many other memories from that time....


The second experience I want to share, has been life changing for me. This one is going back aways...early 70's. I was dating this really hot chick and we always had a good time together. That was back in my wildin' days....every day was a party. Well, we were out late one night. My cousin was with me and my girl brought a friend along, sort of a double date kind of a thing. We had a few drinks and decided to head out to another location. My girl was driving, we were in an industrial area with rail road crossings. I wasn't really paying attention about her driving because there was no traffic, and it was dark, but I did notice she was picking up speed. I was looking out the passenger window and sort of in a daze anyway. You see, I thought I was staring at the side of a building, but what it had turned out to be was a train with box cars stacked. It was at that moment I realized we were almost at the front of the train....all I could do was yell for her to stop!!! 


At that moment, I realized I had a second chance at life and I was going to take it. I decided to call it quits with ole girl. Good times....but life was more important to me. Did I find God right away after that?...no...but, I did begin a new chapter in my life. I began to settle down and to look at things a lot different than I had before. Even now, I think of the kids--now grown--and the grandkids with another coming soon...


Looking back on that now, without a doubt, I was given a second chance at life. We came within 5 feet of making contact with that train. My cousin and I talked about that during those days, we laughed about it, and we both were very thankful to be able to continue on in life. I have so much to be thankful for. I have had other experiences that have created new chapters for me, but you know how it can be...sometimes it's a "simple" and "traumatic" experience that sometimes go hand in hand. When I think of the flagpole experience it reminds me of those days as the Youth Director...I remember the plays we had, the car washes, and of course there was Bible study and prayer meetings. Good times....all because I was given an earlier experience in life to remember.  

Night And Day

As different as night and day. That's how the saying goes. But I'd like to reference that in a different way, if I may. First, it is obvious that night and day do differ in so many ways. The daylight hours brings the activities that comes with getting things done. It's a bright spot for many reasons. If the sun shines, we receive the warmth and the vitamin D. People generally speaking are in good moods, walking, jogging, basketball, tennis, you name it. We also have the business sector that rolls right along, business as usual for the most part. The day moves along and heads into the evening hours. After the dust settles from the commute home, the hustle and bustle is absent from this time of day due to the lack of --as much business-- being done. Some have an after work jog, some grill, some take walks, and some just chill. But things do continue to operate and as we head even deeper into the nighttime hours, some activities are needed to run on a continual basis. Electric, water, gas, cable...can't forget the cable guy...these require personnel. So, their "day" begins, even though it is night. While we settle in from our days' works, they settle in for their night's work....whatever it is they do to keep things rolling while we sleep, is their nights works. Now, it's time for them to make their journey home....again, after the dust settles, they too will enjoy the sunshine, except it is a morning sun, not too hot. Some will also jog, walk, and yes, some will grill. After doing all of their after work activities, they too must sleep, and in some cases that sleep comes during the daylight hours. 
If we have worked these shifts over long years, our body clocks tells us what our nights and days are. 
So it's the same, but different...or is it as different as Night and Day.