A LOT Of Thinking

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about many different things. Some of it making me very angry, some making me think even more, some giving me feelings of despair, and some giving me answers. 

Early in my life, I had been taught to take responsibility for what I do and I have done that for the most part. I am far from being anywhere near perfect and I acknowledge that. I have made many mistakes that I take the blame for. I hurt when I hurt others.

When others make mistakes that affect me, I try to remember that they too are human and mistakes happen. But when the same types of mistakes happen on a consistent basis I have a problem with that. I know we are suppose to forgive, but the Lord knows I have trouble with consistent mistakes. When and where is the line drawn? I know too we are to forgive at all times.

In this skin that is humanity, it is very difficult...all too easy to hate those that do these things to us. But in the end, it is I who will suffer because of not forgiving. I will be the one whose bones will ache and drawn into a state of depression and despair. It is my mind that will be filled with bitterness that is best used for the betterment of my life and for those around me while they that choose to live a life of doing what they do continue to do what they do, whether knowingly or not. 

The importance of forgiving is just that...very important. The effects of harboring unforgiving thoughts is far more damaging than one can imagine. It has no benefits that will be good for me. 

I am really struggling at the moment and I know I need to turn this around. I need to stop looking at what has happened over the past few years and move on. I have a lot of positive things going on and I am thankful for that.

Humility is hard to swallow. Perfection was given only to the one true God and He said that we are to forgive because He knows that if we don't...it is we who will suffer...and we are to leave the rest to Him. 

A Blogger's Pic In Poetry 4

Hello everyone and thank you for your interest in the series

A Blogger's Pic In Poetry 

This is number 4 in the series and another photograph by Daniel Plumer

What stands out for me in this photo?...the fire and ice look, each giving the other their due respect in opposites, creating a union of beauty.  

Two Beautiful


A fire travels above the cool quench below in sight

Consuming not to destroy, but to give wondrous light

The coolness below touched not by its red hot glare

Seems they two admonish, their beauty declared

Photograph by Daniel Plumer 

Poem by me

A Blogger's Pic In Poetry 2

This the second in the series titled

A Blogger's Pic In Poetry 

Like the first one, this photo is by Daniel Plumer 

 Whoda Thought

I stand in place, never thought to be seen

Stand I sure I do, mine eyes do believe

Possible not, but here I do

Standing strong proudly tis true

I have weathered storms of many

More to come, they are a plenty

Faulter not have I, years gone ago

Up to now and now until, who know

Photo by Daniel Plumer    

Poem by me

I Found Myself In Thought

I finally got around to making it comfortable to work outside. The shade and the breeze are soothing. TheWife was off Wednesday and 'reminded me' that it would be a good idea to put the umbrella up. We have a dining room table that's been around since we've been married....well after we got our first apartment.....anyway, I digress ; the only thing I had to do was to drill the hole and set the umbrella. We had chairs but the table is the only thing that  survived, but these will do for now. 


Now I'm outside and I realized my thoughts spanned several years of my life. A couple of days ago I was thinking of "the thought that kept driving me to do better than where I am" at any given moment in my life, that is what I want to do. Strive to do better, even when others see it as just someone else with a dream. The driving force in this particular thought stems from my tenure as an Autoglass Technician. When I first got into installing, it was a new adventure...learning, hands on, making decisions, getting things done under, at times almost impossible circumstances. Sure there were lots of times when a call was necessary but for the most part it was if I was my own company.


So over the years I made manager and this was a whole new ballgame. I felt as if I was fed to the wolves. I was a 'working manager' and many aspects of the job were never taught...yeah you know, on the managing end. Of course I was to 'pick up on this part' in between installs. It was almost a torturous number of years. So when that didn't work, I was offered a tech job....that's pretty much what they all do when you don't work out as a manager....unless you really screwed up bad. 


Besides my drive to want a better life for myself and my family, I scoped the ranks of the technician pool and I didn't want to be one of those who has toiled and labored for years on end and then retire as a tech. I saw the battered bodies and frustrated minds....but I kept listening to the promise of opportunity...even with another company....and there too, the years of labor taking its toll on the seniors of the tech pool....realizing, if I stayed the course, I would be one of them. 


I'm no better than any of them, but I finally chose to pull myself away from that table, and let the plate fall to its breaking....while I still have the drive and desire to fulfill accomplishments. 


Now I turn my attention to other tables to see what feasts or spoils await.     
    

They're All Miracles

Welcome to the Second Edition of the  Black Birth Carnival. Hosted by Darcel of The Mahogany Way Birth Cafe and Nicole of Musings From The Mind of Sista Midwife.

The Topic: Not Without Our Fathers. So often we talk birth in women circles. We celebrate birth within the feminine community and forget that without the fathers our birth experiences would be non existent. June 17th marks the day many will celebrate fathers in this country. With that in mind we came up with our topic for this installment of the Black Birth Blog Carnival.

This post you will be updated with live links by Noon, linking back to the other participants posts.

I don't know what the stats are for men of color to be present when their children are born, but I for one wouldn't trade that for anything. It is definitely life changing. 

I remember when TheWife was in labor at the hospital with Darcel. We didn't know if we were having a boy or girl. I didn't know if I was going into the delivery room or not. We didn't attend any of those Lamaze classes (heck, I don't know if they had them back then). So it's time for her to go in and it wasn't until then I was told to get myself ready. I'm in there nervous and ready. TheWife was in labor for hours so it wasn't very long after, Darcel was born into this world. I was soooo happy and all smiles....I was so up there I knew then that as a man, that was the ultimate human experience. You see firsthand and robe yourself in as close a birth experience without giving birth, that you will have for the rest of your life. You see what the woman in your life goes through ....I can only imagine how home birth fathers can put into words their experiences.


Now Reg was a totally different experience. Apparently TheWife and her grandmother had made plans for the labor time at the hospital to be minimal...without telling me. I knew it was time for us to leave and couldn't figure out what in the world they were waiting for. Her grandmother finally says it's time to go. I'm driving like all get out but don't take the freeway because it's late with hardly any traffic. I keep checking on her to make sure everything is ok. We're just about there and I could almost tell by the way she was positioning herself in the seat that things were getting or had already gotten to the point of, we really need to be at the hospital. I miss the turn into the parking lot, get it turned around and she says she's not going to be able to go in so I run in and tell them my wife is having a baby and I remember a nurse getting a wheelchair and I told her it was beyond that. Before you know it my car is almost surrounded....next thing I know, Reg is born. I didn't get to see his birth, (I was crowded out) but it was an experience I will never forget.

Experiencing child birth up close doesn't stop with mine...I have had the pleasure to be there with two of My3Grands. Kiah was the first and Samuel was the third. Although I wasn't there for Ava's birth I still feel as if I was a part of it because TheWife and I were watching Kiah during Ava's home birth. We got updates by phone from DaddyCharles. When we got the ok to come to there place, it still felt magical....like we were there the whole time.


I'm not sure if I captured the moments in words, what I had experienced with these five loving souls that are in my life. I don't know if I am a different person versus not having the experience of child birth, but there is one thing I know for certain....the sounds of a woman struggling through the stages of labor, into giving birth....the sounds of a baby's first cry, the sounds of joy expressed by all....can never be taken away....they are all miracles.

Please take the time to read and comment on the other participants posts. Shahmet at Adia Publishing: A Father Before Birth Reggie at WhatrUWorkinon?: They're All Miracles Nicole at Musings From The Mind of Sista Midwife: #BlackBirth Not Without Our Fathers Darcel at The Mahogany Way Birth Cafe: Are Men at Birth Important? Alexis at The Ivy Expansion: A Fathers Love Mavhu at F.W. Hargrove: I Birth At Home Twitter Hashtag #BlackBirth

I Wish

One More Please

Hi everyone if you would like to see today's post, click one more please...here at WhatrUWorkinOn.com 


Thank you,


Reggie

It Doesn't Take Much

I took these pictures in our back yard earlier today.

It doesn't take much to appreciate the fact that change is on the way.

They Are Many

Strong is the courage, the courage are many

Time over time come, they are a plenty

Service to country and service to man

Free that we are, in this our own land

Hear the battle cry, thunderous roar

Voices all, as they rush the shore

Men and women strong to the core

It is done now, as it was before

See faces worn, see their tears flow

See their might all with aglow

Name them one, name them all

Years over time, in battle some fall

I cannot deny how proud I am

To be and say, I'm an American

Our flag flies high and dips for none

Watch in parades, see how it's done

Freedom comes with a price

Say it once twice and thrice

Let it ring throughout the land

They are the reason we stand

For love of country, for want of peace

I tip my hat for it is the least

Do I for them one, and do for them all

Many have fallen, many answer still the call

This is linked to Jingle Poetry at The Gooseberry Garden 

Poetry Picnic Week 25: Military, Soldiers, and Veterans

It's A Start

The last thing I said in yesterday's post was, what to do...what to do. I guess never giving up is one thing. When I got home from work, TheWife and I talked. It had nothing to do with what I have been posting about but it was talk that made me feel as if there is hope.


That's the amazing thing about life....you never know what to expect at times. There were no fireworks, flashing lights or anything like that. It was as simple as can be, but it was genuine. I soaked it up like a sponge. I'm not saying that this is the beginning of what I have been hoping for....what I am saying is there was something in the air...it felt good.


What we did talk about had a lot to do with the future. We watched TV had some laughs and talked a bit more in between.


It's not much, but....It's A Start.

Let Me Explain

I'm gonna try to get this done before midnight but if I don't get it all done, I'll finish later. 


Today is the 35th wedding anniversary for TheWife and I. If you are a friend on Facebook and you commented on my post, this may give you a better understanding about some of my replies. 


I wish I had time to link but if I do, I won't get this finished so I apologize for that. Some of you know that me and TheWife were separated for three years and in December of 2010 she and my son moved here to be with us so they could grow with the kids. 


If you read my posts over this past weekend, you may have noticed I made a couple of comments concerning no action between me and TheWife. Details of that will come later also but for now, let me say that I thought things would be different once we got back together but I was totally wrong. She hasn't changed.


On my Facebook page I had mentioned how it was our anniversary and that I hadn't said anything to her, knowing she too had remembered (because she doesn't forget things like that) and I wondered if I was being a butt for not saying anything. I received a few comments on that post and I'm sure those who did comment have no idea (maybe save 1 or 2) why I have chosen to take that path. It's not really complicated but could be construed as confusing. Again, if I go into detail right now I won't get this done before midnight and I want this posted tonight.


OK, so this is where I stop for now....I know it's not much but it's the beginning.....stay tuned. 

Does It Really Come Out?

Image courtesy of Photobucket

How many times have I heard that saying?.....it all comes out in the wash....and most important, how true is it? I've heard it and said it myself most recently. Of all the times I have heard or said it, I have never until this last time ever said this....I want to see that load when it comes out of the wash. 


Yes I would like to see if whatever it was that went into the load with the clothes actually gets washed away. It's never anything good that needs to be eradicated, but only mistakes and problems that get the spotlight in this situation. 


Next question is who does this laundry and when does it get done. Thinking about this for a minute, I would have to say that maybe the laundry never gets washed because so many of the same mistakes and problems still exists. Either that or the detergent that goes into the wash is not effective enough to do the job. Maybe the water is too hard or too cold, or too big of a load and not enough water.


Of course we all know what I'm saying is nonsense...but it is something to think about...don't ya think?

Image courtesy of Photobucket

Off The Cuff

Hey!...did I tell ya how much I like my new template? I'm sure you've seen it around, it took me awhile to change because I liked the lighthouse on the other template, but I was limited with what I could edit so it was time for a new look. 


I'll probably mess around with the fonts and see what may catch my eye.


What else...I had something but turned to catch the news for a minute and blew the thought away...don't you hate when that happens?


So now I'm sitting here trying to remember and making it worse....don't you hate when THAT happens?


OK...I'm done with that one. 


I'm off this weekend and not sure what I'm gonna be doing other than catching up and finishing up and opening new doors. I'm starting to have fun again....I remember!...I was gonna say it has been too long since I had done a post on TheGrands, so be looking for that soon....they keep me young.


Well I'm getting tired and I'm gonna just start to babble...by the way...

thanks for stopping in

Life's Changes

Endurance is different for everyone, in many different situations spanning so many astounding lifestyles. Someone could look at my current goings on and say this is a cake walk. Then there is that one who looks and has understanding and wonder how hard it really can be....simply by the change in the flow of things on my blog.


Endurance plays a key role in how any given moment, be it short or long standing has affects on....gosh, where do I begin?....this can go as deep as the soul of a person or as shallow as a mosquito's touch. 


For me I did endure, and I'm not out of the woods, but it was/is a real struggle this time around. I did learn a few things along the way and that is always a good thing....right?....of course it is. I'm in the process of learning how to adjust to the escalated stress level. Cutting out a few things from my daily work eating habits helped a lot. I was having an affair with sweet pastry....and it was very good, but nearly eliminating that portion of the day was very helpful. 


When you're dealing with all aspects of life such as work, home, romance or the lack thereof, emotions strewn together like spaghetti except it seems there is no end. That makes for an emotional roller coaster equipped with all the "fun" surprises that help to make these rides even more exciting!

~~~a nice peaceful sigh~~~

Then there's the moment I find out that it isn't really my 200th blog post. What I do find out is that the drafts count as posts.....albeit not published, something I didn't pay any attention to. In the same post where I proudly announced my 200th blog post, I also mentioned I was about to do something I thought was somewhat down the road. Well I guess it is still down the road because I was going to write a poem on a theme and for various reasons, that didn't happen. 

So life does tick tick tick away filled with its surprises.

Restoration

Though life has dealt this hand

A hand that has one a round

The game is yet to come to fruition

Doors are open to proceed

Time is at it's own

It does not wait

What is next?

Which door to enter?

It has been draining...

To the point of this

Frustration has set

Overshadows desire

The doors that are before

Is what has come

It is now finished

Restoration

I know who I am

I know what I do

I know where I want to go

No question...

This was in need

I see that now

Flow from the pen

Restoration

I'm linking this to Thursday Poets Rally week 41

A Quickie

It's Friday morning and I just want to get out this quick post.


I'm dog tired and hadn't been sleeping very well lately. I've been so tired after work that sleep has fallen on me shortly after coming home from work.


This morning, I felt even more tired than before going to bed. 


I have a lot of catching up to do...comments to reply to, blogs to visit, poems to read and much more. Hope to get that done after work and more tomorrow.


Gotta go...time is ticking...

What Is It?

Death is the non existence of this Life

The body that we have occupied

Has left this time in space

No longer used for occupancy

It is the time for mourning?

It is the time for relief?

It is the time we rejoice?

Is it the end of time?

Only for the time as we know

Or time as we have known

So are we in Death?

Or do we still exist

The body has lost it's use

The body is no longer in need

The body has been laid down

Never to be again 

What of the Soul?

That has held hold

That has been in use

Of the body before

What of that Soul?

For time is eternal

Time never ceases

Time will always be

So what of the Soul?

Some say the Soul returns

And is reborn to Live again

Some say they see the Soul

As a Spirit that wanders

Are these of truth?

Do these exist?

In this time that is eternal

Who can say nay

This is my One Shot Wednesday entry.

It's Sunday

The truck is loaded (hopefully) and we should be making the trek back to VA.


But before that happens we have a few stops that might take place....no promises. 


It's going to be a long ride back and the truck needs to be unloaded because my time will be running out...I have to be back to work on Tuesday.


I would love to have time to unwind from this trip...we'll see.

Courtesy of Photobucket

Change

Change has been, is, and always will be a part of our existence. The world's wonders of today have come from what was, and the time before that, and the time before that, and I believe you get the picture. Have we ever really sat back and comprehended what we have accomplished?...when you think about it, we have soured in such a short time over the past 30 years alone...we really don't have to go back that far. The ever changing IT has brought us into an age that we dreamed about, and it's really just getting started.....yeah, I think they're just getting warmed up. 
Changes come in our lives also. Me?...I'm at a point I want to allow myself to explore more of my life. I have had life changing experiences that I will always hold near to me. They have been an integral part of my life and what I am today. I have been blessed with this creative mind and I don't want to waste it. I want to know what other things that I can do.  I can't limit myself to just this....that is the point in my life I have been in for the past, several years....I'm better than that. I know that my past experiences have taught me lessons...very hard ones...but I must move on. A new chapter awaits. I have been inspired in ways I never thought would come my way. Many times I found myself looking too much at the present, and not allowing myself to accept change. Change can be tough. It can be one of the hardest lessons we have on our plates, but it will come, and sometimes it will go....I may have missed opportunities, one after the other, simply because I chose not to accept change. It's sort of like when I quit smoking. Back then, I didn't have the option of patches and what not....it was cold turkey....but I was really tired of smoking and I wanted that out of my life. It was difficult but I was willing and ready to make that change. I feel like that is where I am right now. I have energy and my mind is active.....when that happens...look out!! 
I want to apply my creativity, and to see where that takes me. Life gives us so many chances at improvement. I want that. 

Thoughts In Our Minds

Our minds are remarkable. Each mind different from the next, yet similar in many  ways. We think alike, yet we differ in opinion. Even many of our intricate thoughts and views are shared by many, without even acknowledging one to the other. Our minds are always busy thinking ahead and sometimes, behind. We are able to accomplish many things in our minds, long before they are a finished product we see with our eyes, touch with our hands. We multi task so effortlessly in our minds, it has become second nature. A thought can sometimes trigger emotions within us. We create new things, or simply improve the old from a thought. We see things with our minds and that gives us hope. A thought, or many thoughts, create an answer to a question, or perhaps an answer to a problem. When our ears hear music to our liking, it engulfs us into a state of euphoria...causing us to sway side to side, we dance, our heads bob back and forth in appreciation. 
We should be thankful for all that we are able to accomplish, simply because we have, Thoughts In Our Minds.