Sunday, January 30, 2011

Can't Be Changed

There is something about the past that will always be as it is. 

No matter what, the past will never be changed. We live with what life has brought into our journeys. Sometimes mistakes are made we have to live with. Sometimes we live with the absolute joys that brings smiles and love into  our lives...our existence, and the lives of others. 

I want to live my life that will bring fond memories to many lives I am touching. All have not, nor will they be happy moments for us to part with along the journey. But without a doubt, I am sure to bring a smile to your face.

So as times continues to pass, new pasts' are being formed, formulated and brought to fruition. 
And they too will never be changed. Again, mistakes are made and many more joyous memories have materialized; they have become, I remember when...those are nice to talk about.

We create them everyday. No, we can't change anything that happened in this picture, but we can look back on it and smile.

There is so much to forward to; to create more moments that can never be changed...
 after the other.

Realizing that some things from the past can be left there...and to improve our quality of life, it's best that this is done.

It's not always an easy thing to do, but the end results if successful are very gratifying.

Change is good sometimes, and remembering to forget can be even better. 

The past is full of lessons and nightmares, memories and smiles. 

What we get out of our past, could depend on what we put into our future.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Thank You

I would like to thank all of you for the prayers that went out on behalf of my brother and family. 

My brother passed away earlier today. I received the call just before noon.

I got to see him this past Saturday. 

My nephews and niece from his first marriage were there also. We hadn't been together in years. For me, it made things a lot easier. We all spent time with him that day. It was nice to see them again.

I'm going to disappear again.

I love you all and I still appreciate your prayers on behalf of the family.                                         

Thursday, January 20, 2011

My Heart Is Heavy

Many of you know about the circumstances surrounding the health of my oldest brother LaGear. I think I may not have told you what his condition stems from. 

He has prostate cancer and is losing the battle. To say the least, it is beyond difficult writing this post because I am flooded.

I am flooded with...I want to say grief, but that doesn't describe what my emotions are at this very moment. I can't stop crying...I type, I cry. 

I'm thinking of my brother. How much I love him. I am not wishing we could have spent more time together. 

I am thankful for the time we still share. 

Yes I am hurting, so deep my eyes flood uncontrollably. I love my brother, my oldest brother. He was telling me...whenever I talked to him...he was telling me.

My mom called earlier today to tell me the nurse from Hospice called her from my brother's house. 

When the phone rang, I was in the middle of a job. I was feeling pretty good today compared to the last couple of days. LaGear had been heavy on my mind. Because I was in an upbeat mood, when I saw that it was my mom, I was  not prepared for what she told me. The nurse said he is slipping away. 

My mom knew I was planning to come up to Cleveland at the end of the month. She basically told me I need to come up there now. It hurt so bad. I started to work again and just stopped to call Clarice. Between tears, I told her the news and that I would be leaving sooner than expected. 

I wanted to call Darcel; she was first on my mind when I thought to call home, but I couldn't do that to her. I knew I would have a hard time talking, and I didn't want her to have the sound of my quivering voice and the uncontrolled flow of tears on her mind with the kids and all...I couldn't do that to her.  

I finished up what I had left and dropped my paper work off at the shop. I talked to my supervisor before leaving and we went over my time off and he also gave me his number in case I need to call him.

Driving home didn't take long and we talked about the trip as best we could on short notice.

This will be my last post until I get back. I'm going to schedule our Memories & Magic photo blog for a couple of days, but that's it.

Right now, I would like to let all of you who follow my blog in whatever way you have chosen, how much I really appreciate you. 

To my fellow poets, thank you so much for helping me to experience, magic.

I love all of you and would like to share this poem I penned while I was waiting for a phone call a matter of fact, it was before my mom's call by about 30 minutes....I hope you enjoy this.

The Destroyer

I will seek you out
I will find you
I will make you void

All you have done
Will be for naught
That is my goal

What do you do?
Where do you hide?
When you are idle

I work hard to destroy
All that you do
All you have done

For this is my promise
I will do all I say
For I am love

And I will destroy
All that is not

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Ever Since

Ever since will never be in the now
It will always have a past
No matter how we try 
Ever since will always be in remembrance

Ever since that happened is done
I was never able to recover
Ever since I came back
It was never the same 

Try as you may
Try as you might
To bring what was to now
Ever since is a thing of the past

Ever since I can remember
Speaks of what was
It is done and said
What will become of ever since?

It was a beginning when it was
First brought into the universe
The scheme of things
Ever since I've known that to be

All ever since had a beginning
Which will lead to an end
But the end is not yet
Ever since I can remember 

this is for One Shot

So What'll It Be

I have so much going on right now, I don't know where to begin.

I'll start with family. I'm making plans to go to Cleveland to see my brother. He returned my call one day last week. I had him on my mind a lot today. It was really difficult for me. I'm trying to think positive, but my brother is telling me....he's tired...he's week. 

I'm still not going into details as I said before.

I believe my brother is being honest with me...he knows even if others won't. 

I'm really mixed because when I talk to others, he is doing ok, better, he has his moments. 

My brother, LaGear, is telling me he's tired. I hear my brother, but want to believe others. 

I'll let him tell me, how he feels.

I've been away from my family for a number of years now. It has been work related...that's how the first move started. It was 1982 when I moved The Wife and kids to Dayton. 

After we moved, we made several trips back for visits. Then it got to be too much and the trips became holiday visits. After that it was whenever we could. But, whenever we did get together, it was always good times, laughter, hugs.

I really don't know what to expect on this trip. 

I do know one will be good to see my brother.  

Sunday, January 16, 2011

They Two Became One

The night is festive, alive and upbeat
Girls night out
So seems the same for the men
It begins, the signs to see

The look in the eye
The rustle of the hair
A quick stare that lingers
A smile ensues 

The language of the body
Begins it's course
The look from the eye is happy 
For indeed the smile is a sign

He does the man walk with a swagger 
Knowing this language will surely arouse
The senses of this female 
Who has herself begun her move

Her smile has not diminished, no not in the least
As a matter of fact it spreads even more
She dips her head a bit
And with the stroke of the hand

She brushes the hair back
Revealing her ear, she lifts her eyes
He spots some love in those eyes?
What language they speak

The language of the body 

They become close over the space of time
He knows it is right, yes it is right
He looks into eyes that have smiled
The smile of love 

As he begins to speak, both hearts are pounding
The air is filled with anticipation
He reaches and retrieves, the box
Surely she speaks to herself and not aloud

This is a good sign

The box is opened to reveal the ring
As he speaks the words, Will you marry me?
These eyes of love are filled now with tears
She accepts from this man, this symbol of love

The space of time continued as plans were made
And the time has come on this a wedding day
The vows are said, the marriage is done
For in the space of time, they two became one

this is my poetry potluck entry...hope this qualifies

week 18 Theme: Languages, Signs and Symbols

Thank You 'Love Life Poems'

Saturday, January 15, 2011

Life Has

Courtesy of Google Images

The path of the unknown is dark and bright. It is bumpy, curvy, hills abound, mountains are not moved but a way is made. The atmospheric conditions for the most part are predictable, but uncertainty looms on any horizon, at the doorstep of a given sunset. 

I would love to have clear skies for visibility. Dry pavement for support. A light wind to be free of stagnant air.

As we travel along the path, see the beauty of life. Witness the trees giving way to the wind, swaying in appreciation, the leaves applauding. Those same leaves in another season, dancing along the ground...close your eyes and listen, it is truly a beautiful dance. 

The path renders lessons to hold, lessons to give.

The journey can be relentless, unkind, brutal and at times devastating. The unknown of the journey does not care how we feel, what we want or need. It too is on a mission and at times that is to create chaos. Other times we benefit from it's pleasure. There are times when the unknown of the journey will lift us or bring something, someone alongside for a moment to comfort, to help, to encourage.

We fear the unknown.

It is because we are bred to fear?

Yes, life times that comes in the form of the unknown.    


Friday, January 14, 2011

I Just Like To Write

What have I become in these past few months?

Am I not the same man who has awaken daily to go about life's journey, to do what is necessary to acquire the essentials to sustain what we call life? What is so different about me that I am so pleased to have a plateful waiting. When I am here, I am able to open a world that I have longed for, a world that fills the senses of contemplation, passion, relaxation, creativity, the obscure, humor, love,  poetic justice.

I am finding that this world is filled with knowledge that makes me feel and know that I still have much to learn. I am not running from, but steadfastly heading toward this world. This world has opened to me my desire, one of my passions, to write. 

I have always loved writing. Not novels, or stories. Just writing. I've been blogging for less that a year now, my anniversary is in March, and still feeling that beginning curve. Reading that first post again...I feel as if I am staying true to that. And that's without really trying. 

That makes it fun, and crisp. 

When I sit here and write, I am at home, at my world. What I really like about it?...I just like to write. I'm being me, simple as that. I sometimes like to be funny, at times I can be romantic, or revealing. Whatever I choose, or feel for the moment to write, I can be me. I am realizing how much I missed being me. 

It is not an escape, but an addition, to write. 

I don't want to escape, nor am I able to escape what the real world is throwing at me. I can't, nor will I hide from the journey...that is this life. 

But what I have, I will use to make a difference in my life to make this journey. 
Am I trying to make a difference?...I really hope so. I'm getting older in this life and I have still much to experience, more to learn. This world that has been a part of my life, albeit doormat, is now awakening. 

It is giving me therapeutic relief? 

It can be at times, yes. When the pressures of a day tend to take the wind out of me, yes...I like to write. I can write the anguish I feel in my heart to sooth the pain. So yes, it can be therapeutic.

I really don't write as much as I would like. I just don't have the time. Although I would love to sit for hours and just write, I can't. I know I said that I don't write novels or stories, but that has been something I've wanted to do, but I know I don't have that type of writing skill to pull it off. 

I like to write poetry although I feel humbled by what I have come across these past couple of weeks. I was invited to One Shot Wednesday and Poetry Potluck over at Jingle Poetry. I love the venue the journey has chosen to steer. Although I am in the presence of seasoned poets, again feeling humbled and overwhelmed by what I am reading,  I am happy to be able to write what I feel and to express myself. 

I want this to stay fun...if I lose that, I lose. 

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

I Relish It

I take one look and I know for sure
The time is right for this will cure
The ailing moment knocking at my door

My next move is I wonder to fix it
How will I dress it 
This thing before me

Long wet and ready
It is hot and steamy
Too hot to handle with hands alone

How will I dress it
It is all before me
Ready and waiting

I spot it and reach
And make the application
I make my first move with closed eyes

My hands make the instinctive move
I open my mouth to receive this thing
And take the first bite

I say to myself
Yes oh yes
This will surely do

My hunger will be satisfied
With this hot dog from beginning to end
That is why I Relish It

this is my One Shot Wednesday post...hop on over to check out others

Monday, January 10, 2011

On Our 34th Wedding Anniversary...

Today is the 34th wedding anniversary for my wife and I. 
There was nothing special. 
She actually forgot...that surprised me.
We are not the same couple that fought the battles of the past. Don't let the picture indicate fights between us...just the struggles of marriage. 

We seem to have risen above that level of communication.

Of course even before we separated, we didn't argue much. 

The three years apart doesn't seem to have any affect on how we live as a family. In fact, things are better than before.

Will there be a rekindling of the hearts?

To be honest?...I have no idea. I'm just taking this one day at a time. We have a lot going on here and there are other things of priority that need to be addressed. 

So on this the 34th anniversary of our wedding, there was no bubbly, no kisses, no hugs. I'm not disappointed though. What I have means the world to me. The grandkids getting to know Mamaw and Uncle R, the feeling of bonding taking place...yes 

 ...I'll take this.

My Life Has Meaning

I gripe and complain, moan and groan
But I continue to move forward
Because my life has meaning

I am not as young
But I hold my own
But I moan and I groan

That seems to be my cry
These days when I am not as young
But I still continue on

Because my life has meaning
That is why as my body aches
My hands need to keep moving

So they too will be there at the ready
Because I'm not as young as I used to be
But continue on I will

Because my life has meaning
I look into their eyes
They sparkle like stars

I hear their giggles and laughs
I hear the conversations
I see and feel the unity

We are a family PeePaw MaMaw Reg
 Charles n Darcel along with the 3
Kiah Ava and Samuel

So as I moan groan work through body aches
My mind is filled with pictures of love
Because my life has meaning

Yes my body aches
And continue on I will
I will strive to move forward

Because I'm tired of being tired
I will strive to move forward
To lay a foundation

Because my life has meaning
I do it for love I do it for love
Though I am not as young

I will strive to move forward
I will make achievements 
I will reach goals

As long as I'm here
I will move forward
For I have many reasons

Not to think of the aches
But to think of the love
Because my life has meaning 

Sunday, January 9, 2011

The Grandkids

here are some pictures i took of the grandkids earlier today

samuel loves the camera

samuel just chillin
he spots the camera

kiah, that's right...i'm all that

here are the girls showing off their dresses

ava, are you going to take the picture?

Where Will I Sit

where would i find to rest
if i were to choose to sip
a drink of the bubbly,
my rear for comfort at best

where would i find you
with friends at home?
or would a club be the place
the have a brew or two

so many ways i could spend
this time that i have
for refreshing my mind,
to rest my rear end

i spot a pair of eyes
gazing my way,
i offer to share another
i ask her to stay

next to me as i begin to drool
with this thing of beauty,
we find ourselves sitting
on these, modern bar stools 

the music is lite, the music is soft
the conversation moves on,
what has happened?
as my mind drifts aloft

this thing of beauty is into me
i into her, as we talk of future
time to be together
what oh what, could this be

of course it's too soon
to even consider,
you know i barely know her
but my heart is a swoon 

this was a good choice
this place to be,
as i envision the future
you should see what is see

dream the impossible
believe the improbable
for you never know
in this life, how far you will go

Friday, January 7, 2011

Not Much

Courtesy of Google Images

I really don't have a lot going on inside my head right now. 

Actually, I have a lot going on inside my head, but nothing for posting. I was tired today and sleepy. When I got home, I spent some time talking with the family and after I ate a bowl of chili (yummy delicious chili that Darcel cooked) I laid down to catch some zzz's. 

Now, it's 11:30 p.m. and I'm wide awake, and I work tomorrow. I'm sure sleep will come my way again, I'll just have to wait for it.

Changing the subject, I bet some of you are wondering how things are going with the wife and son here. Aside from the fact that we are in a sardines in a can situation, things are going well. It's really good to see the girls spending time with Mamaw and Uncle R.

It's really nice having everyone together again.

No, the wife and I are not a couple again, but we are father and mother to the kids and mamaw and peepaw to the grandkids and loving it.

We're a family, maybe not what some people would say is a family, but we function....we get things done.

It's getting later and I do want this to post tonight...soooo...goodnight all.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Anything Is Possible

Who hasn't heard about the Ted Williams story. He used to work in radio years ago but fell on hard times. I saw the story first when I pulled up Yahoo when I got home from work. I clicked on the link and was blown away by what I was hearing.

His voice is amazing.

Not long after that he is in the news and after that, the news magazine shows, Inside Edition, Extra and any other shows I wasn't watching.

His life changed in 24 hours

Ever since I can remember, I have always thought that anything is possible. I envision and I dream of the improbable but I believe that they are possible.

Is it wrong to set your sights too high? I mean, that's a perfect situation for a let down...a spiral into the sea of despair. But if one doesn't reach for the stars, how will one know what they are capable of?

The stars are as far away as we wish them to be, or close enough to touch.

Strive for the unreachable, find out what can be achieved, let's be the person we never thought we could be and surprise someone...ourselves.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Life Is

Life is full of this and full of that
 We all know that's old hat

We laugh we cry we fuss we fight
In the end we do what is right

Another day has dawned upon us
Some are waking and starting to cuss

Some will work and some will play
This will happen throughout the day

Enjoy it all and have much fun
At the end of the day it will all be done

Monday, January 3, 2011

Sunday, January 2, 2011

it is saddened...

I wrote this poem during the very early hours of the new year. At the time I was still dealing with issues concerning my brother's illness. I have since had a talk with my sister-in-law and it was something she said that was told to her by my mom that prompted me to make the change from my original plan.

This poem has helped me to heal my own emotions.

My focus now will be in support of my brother, his family, my other siblings and my mom.

it is saddened...

illness brings pain not only to one,
but one of many. pain felt deep
to the core of the mind and soul

it breaks  a silence and creates
one as well. thoughts run forever,
emotions are rampant.

it brings to mind all siblings
and wonder, how are they,
how is mom?

emotions are rampant, i need
to be there. my heart, my heart is saddened 

Saturday, January 1, 2011

This Year Begins With

A new blog. My daughter and I have started a new blog titled Memories & Magic.

A picture a day. She hit me with the idea when I got home from work yesterday. I think it's a great idea. 

The rules are:

  • 1 picture per post
  • All pictures have to be original
  • No more than a short to medium paragraph

We brainstormed a few names and Darcel came up with Memories and Magic...our first choice with these words was taken...what sold me was when she said...m n m.

We browsed through a few templates and she scrolled to the current one and we both simultaneously said we liked it. The setting is perfect. We both like the old rustic look of the floor and walls. The chair, lamp, the pictures on the wall...oh let's not forget the old telephone hanging on the wall.

This gives us both a chance to express ourselves in photo art throughout the year...this is gonna be fun! 

I get to break it in, so hop on over and take a peek.    


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